Hello,

Gosh, I hate starting posts like this. But right now, I'm not in a good place.

I feel like I'm on a tight rope and one false step will make me fall quicker than normal. The tightrope gets harder to walk on everyday and sometimes I just feel like falling.

Lately, it's been like I've walked into chaos. I came into MW to get away but I find losing my control of my emotions and I feel like I’ve isolated more people this month than I have previously. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, even on MW and in real life. I’ve screwed countless of times and I’m tired of doing so.

My path and spirituality has been stagnating and I feel that I will lose control and get upset. I know I question a lot, which has upset some people, and I should apologize for it but it’s how I learn.
I guess what I most hate to feel is that I have a need to please everybody all the time. I’m so afraid of people hating me that I worry about it all the time. Lately, it’s come to a point where I hate replying to posts anymore because I don’t want people to hate me. I try to be respectful but I’ve been pushed and sometimes I snap.

I know I shouldn’t care, and a part of me doesn’t, but I can’t help but be afraid that I will lose friendships because I can’t keep my trap shut. It’s the same fear that keeps me within the routines that dominate my life. I have to get up at a certain time, do things at certain times, and have everything perfect because if it’s changed and something happens, it’s my fault.

I feel like everything I am is falling apart but I don’t know how it’s going to pierce itself back together again.

Gosh, I feel like this is filled with whining. I hate being emotional sometimes.